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Grieving the Loss of Your Pet
Is This The Best Time To Adopt A Pet?
Preparing Your Pet For Baby's Arrival
Successful Cleaning to Remove Pet Odors and Stains
When The Behavior Helpline Can't Help
When You Move

Pets add fun, companionship and love to our lives, but they're also a big responsibility. Choosing to add a pet to your family is a very important decision. Sometimes, adopting a pet may be too much added responsibility if you're experiencing other life-changes at the same time. Take this quiz to assess what's happening in your life now, and in the near future, to help you decide if this is the best time to adopt a pet.

Check the following events that have either occurred in your life in the past six months, or that you think may occur in the coming six months:

•  Divorce or end of a relationship

•  Marriage

•  Change in living arrangements (new roommates or moving in with significant other)

•  Move to a new residence

•  Pregnancy or new baby

•  Longer hours or increased responsibility at work

•  Financial concerns

•  Children leaving home or moving back home

•  Care-taking responsibilities for elderly or ill family member

•  Significant changes in family routine

•  Death of a family member

•  Death or disappearance of a family pet

•  Relinquishment of a pet (given away or brought to an animal shelter)

•  Significant health problems of a family member

•  Change in working status of a family member (begins work, changes jobs or retires)

•  Frequent travel, either for business or pleasure

•  Limited leisure or free time

•  Graduation from high school or college

•  Disagreement among family members about adopting a pet

Add one point for every pet you currently have (one aquarium counts as one pet).

0-3: Your life seems fairly stable. Now is probably a reasonable time to acquire a pet.

4-6: You have a lot of responsibilities right now. Although adopting a pet may still work for you, a small mammal, an adult cat, or well-trained, adult dog would probably be more appropriate than a kitten, a puppy or an active breed of dog.

7-10: Let's think twice about this. With all the changes and responsibilities in your life right now, you may not have time to care for a new pet. It would probably be better for both you and the pet if you wait until your life settles down a bit.

10+: STOP! DON'T PASS GO! Acquiring a pet now is not a wise decision. Why not consider a pet rock or a “computer-pet” instead?

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Has your pet left “scent marks” of urination and/or defecation on your floor or furniture? To successfully re-train your pet to avoid those areas, follow these basic steps:

• Find all soiled areas using your nose and eyes. A black-light bulb will usually show even old urine stains. Turn out all lights in the room; use the black-light to identify soiled areas and lightly outline the areas with chalk.
  
  
• Clean the soiled areas appropriately to remove the odors (see below).
  
  
• Make the areas unattractive and/or unavailable (see our handouts on dog and cat aversives).
  
  
• Make the appropriate “bathroom” area attractive (see our handouts regarding positive reinforcement, house soiling and/or litter box issues).
  
  
• Teach your pet the appropriate place to eliminate by using positive reinforcement (see our handouts mentioned above).

These steps work as a team! In order for your efforts to be successful, you need to follow all of these steps. If you fail to completely clean the area, your other re-training efforts will be useless. As long as your pet can smell that personal scent, he'll continue to return to the “accident zone.” Even if you can't smell traces of urine, your pet can. Your most important chore is to remove (neutralize) that odor.

Methods To Avoid

You should avoid using steam cleaners to clean urine odors from carpet or upholstery. The heat will permanently set the odor and the stain by bonding the protein into any man-made fibers. You should also avoid using cleaning chemicals, especially those with strong odors, such as ammonia or vinegar. From your pet's perspective, these don't effectively eliminate or cover the urine odor and may actually encourage your pet's inclination to reinforce the urine scent mark in that area.

• Machine wash as usual, adding a one pound box of baking soda to your regular detergent. If possible, it's best to air dry these items.
  
  
• If you can still see the stain or smell the urine, machine wash the item again and add an enzymatic cleaner. Be sure to follow the directions carefully.
  
  
• During the re-training period, a good way to discourage your pet from using the bedding is to cover the bed with a vinyl, flannel-backed tablecloth. They're machine washable, inexpensive and unattractive to your pet.

• Soak up as much of the urine as possible with a combination of newspaper and paper towels. The more fresh urine you can remove before it dries, especially from carpet, the simpler it will be to remove the odor. Place a thick layer of paper towels on the wet spot and cover that with a thick layer of newspaper. Stand on this padding for about a minute. Remove the padding and repeat the process until the area is barely damp.
  
  
• If possible, take the fresh, urine-soaked paper towel to the area where it belongs -- your cat's litterbox or your dog's designated outdoor “bathroom area” -- and let your pet see you do it. Don't act angry when you do this, but try to project a “happy” attitude to your pet. This will help to remind your pet that eliminating isn't a “bad” behavior as long as it's done in the right place.
  
  
• Rinse the “accident zone” thoroughly with clean, cool water. After rinsing, remove as much of the water as possible by blotting or by using a “wet-vac,” “shop-vac” or “extractor.”
  
  
• If you've previously used cleaners or chemicals of any kind on the area, then neutralizing cleaners won't be effective until you've rinsed every trace of the old cleaner from the carpet. Even if you haven't used chemicals recently, any trace of a non-protein-based substance will weaken the effect of the enzymatic cleaner. The cleaner will use up its “energy” on the old cleaners instead of on the protein stains you want removed.
  
  
• To remove all traces of old chemicals and clean old or heavy stains in carpeting, consider renting an extractor or wet-vac from a local hardware store. This machine operates much like a vacuum cleaner and is efficient and economical. Extracting/wet-vac machines do the best job of forcing clean water through your carpet and then forcing the dirty water back out again. When using these machines or cleaners, be sure to follow the instructions carefully. Don't use any chemicals with these machines – they work much more effectively with plain water.
  
  
• Once the area is really clean, you should use a high-quality pet odor neutralizer available at pet supply stores. Test the affected surface for staining first, and read and follow the instructions.
  
  
• If the area still looks stained after it's completely dry from extracting and neutralizing, try any good carpet stain remover.
  
  
• If urine has soaked down into the padding underneath your carpet, your job will be more difficult. You may need to remove and replace that portion of the carpet and padding.
  
  
• Using the suggestions in our aversives, positive reinforcement and housetraining handouts, make the “accident zone” unattractive, the appropriate “bathroom” area attractive, and teach your pet where you want him to eliminate, instead. The re-training period may take a week or more. Remember, it took time to build the bad habit, and it will take time to replace that habit with a new, more acceptable behavior. Treat your pet with patience and give him a lot of encouragement!

If the wood on your furniture, walls, baseboard or floor is discolored, the varnish or paint has been affected by the acid in the urine. You may need to remove and replace the layer of varnish or paint. Employees at your local hardware or building supply store can help you identify and match your needs with appropriate removers and replacements. Washable enamel paints and some washable wallpapers, may respond favorably to enzymatic cleaners. Read the instructions carefully before using these products and test them in an invisible area.

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It's never easy to experience the death of a pet. Whether it's an older animal, who may have been part of your family longer than most of the furniture and some of the children, or a pet who has been with you for only a few years, the loss is always traumatic. When you have to make a decision to have your pet euthanized, other emotions become entangled with your feelings of loss. Once your pet is gone, you may think the experience is behind you, but unfortunately, it's not.

There will be an empty place in your household and in your life for awhile, and for the first part of that "while" the void may seem huge. Even though there are ways to fill the void, the loss you've experienced isn't something you can simply ignore by assuming your world will adjust itself. Instead, you must deal with it, just as you would deal with the loss of any good friend. You can't expect yourself to think of your pet as a friend and, yet, dismiss those feelings as disposable because this friend happened to be an animal. It's not silly to miss your pet, and it's not overly sentimental to grieve for him. Nevertheless, he was a pet not a person, and that makes it more complicated to sort out exactly what it is you're supposed to do and feel.

Although we recognize the individual personalities of pets, it doesn't mean they're just “little people.” The relationship you have with your pet is different from any human relationship you may have.

Another difference lies in the complicated question of "what happens next?" Many people believe that animals have no souls and are concerned that they won't see their animals in the next life. Perhaps you're unsure about what "the next life" holds for any of us. If having a soul means being able to feel love, trust and gratitude, then some animals may be better equipped than some humans.

When an animal becomes the pet of a responsible, caring person, he is given exactly what he needs and wants – a secure and comfortable home, companionship, and the opportunity to return the favor through loyalty and affection. Dogs, especially, are naturally eager to please their “leader” and are happiest when doing so. When a dog is too old or too sick to respond in the way he thinks he should, he can't understand why, and feels the anxiety of failure.

Because their natural life spans are shorter than ours, we usually outlive our pets. Nevertheless, the life you shared together can't simply be erased. Don't deny yourself the thoughts, memories and feelings that your pet's life deserves. You may decide to fill the empty place in your home and heart with another pet, but you'll never replace the special bond you held with the one you've lost.

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When You Move

Moving to a new home can be just as stressful on your pet as it is on you. Following are some tips to help you help your pet through this change of address.

• Talk to your veterinarian at least three weeks before the move to determine if your pet will need medication for nervousness or car sickness.
• Gather the supplies your pet will need during the move - food, water, medications, medical records, bedding and toys. It also helps to bring along some of your dirty laundry because the familiar scent of these belongings is comforting to your pet.
• Keep your pet away from the moving-day activity by confining him to a room where he feels safe, otherwise, your pet could become frightened and bolt out the door unnoticed. It's difficult to pack, move furniture, and keep an eye on your pet at the same time. Maybe you have a friendly place where your pet can stay during the packing and moving, like a neighbor, friend or boarding kennel. As much as possible, try not to disrupt his daily routine.
• Be sure your dog or cat has a tag with your new phone number or the number of a friend so there will be someone to contact if your pet gets lost during the move.
• Move small animals, like birds and hamsters, in their cages, covered with a lightweight fabric. Remove water and any other objects that might loosen and injure them. You must keep the temperature constant for these small friends to survive.
• Unpack and settle in a bit before turning your pet loose in the house. Keep the doors to your extra rooms closed and slowly give your pet access to them as they become accustomed to their new home.
• Orient your dog or cat to the new surroundings. If possible, try to place their favorite resting place (dog bed, chair or cushion) in the same position or area, as it was in your old home. Put their food and water bowls and toys in familiar places as well.
• If you have a dog, walk him around the house, yard and block. If you have a cat, sit quietly and pet her, preferably while sitting in a familiar chair. Provide a place for your cat to hide (she'll do this anyway). Make sure she's eating, drinking and using her litter box.
• Be patient, loving and reassuring with your pet, and they'll adjust quickly to their new home.

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Helping your pet adjust to the arrival of a new baby is much like preparing a young child for the same event. Handling your pet's curiosity, anxiety and increased insistence for attention may seem like an overwhelming task, in addition to preparing yourself and your household for the baby's arrival. You can, however, help your pet adjust to the big changes ahead with minimal time and effort by making gradual adjustments to your lifestyle before the baby arrives.

Your pet is very sensitive to sounds and smells and uses these special abilities to gather information. From your pet's point of view, you and your home have specific identifying smells that are uniquely yours. There are also certain sounds that your pet considers "normal" for your household. Even the different tones of voice you use send important signals. Your baby won't actually change those scents and sounds that are part of your identity, but the baby's arrival will certainly add some new and very different ones. It's important that you introduce these new smells and sounds to your pet gradually in a calm and pleasant atmosphere.

Each time you introduce something new to your pet, make the experience positive. Stroke him, give him treats and praise him for his good behavior when he's faced with a strange new sound or smell. Relax! If you act anxious, your pet will be anxious too.

Pets tend to feel alarmed and defensive when faced with unexpected sounds. Take a little time to become familiar with the “normal” sounds of your household. Is your home normally quiet, with little background noise? If so, how does your pet react to "extra" sounds like a vacuum cleaner, a ringing telephone or a whistling teakettle? If your home is normally noisy, your pet may simply sleep through the usual sounds, but how does he react when something unusual occurs? The more strongly your pet reacts to unexpected sounds, the more important it is for you to help him adjust to the "baby sounds" which will become a regular part of your home environment.

Try to recognize what smells are prominent in your home, including your own personal scent. Your home has its own mixture of smells that makes it feel familiar and safe - cleaning products, kitchen odors, even dust. Also be aware of the products you use that help create your own individual scent, such as soaps, hair care products, toothpaste, deodorant, laundry detergent and cologne. Any new smells should be added gradually, layered on over a period of weeks. Be aware of the effect these changes have on your pet. While you do this, try to keep one part of your home smelling "right" for your pet.

In order to prepare your pet for the new baby, borrow some baby sounds and smells. Visit a friend's baby or a nursery and make a tape recording of baby sounds like gurgling, laughing, screaming, crying and kicking. Handle a baby and absorb some of the smells of baby lotion, powder and food. Go directly home and spend some positive, relaxed time with your pet. Give him a massage or play with him while the baby smells mingle with your own odors and you introduce the recorded baby sounds.

Start out with the volume turned fairly low and if your pet doesn't react strongly to the sounds, gradually increase the volume to a normal level. As you play the tape, look at your pet and speak calmly, using your pet's name. Smile! It adds a special tone to your voice that helps your pet relax. Repeat these sessions daily until the baby's arrival. After a week or so, add the actual sources of the odors to the sound-and-smell sessions with the supplies you'll be using for your own baby. Think about your pet's perspective. How does a baby bottle smell when it's freshly sterilized? When it's dirty? Borrow a dirty diaper and let your pet become accustomed to that smell, too.

Borrow a baby! After a few weeks, combine baby sounds and smells (which should be familiar to your pet by now) with the bustle and attention of a visiting baby. This is an excellent “dress rehearsal” for the extra visitors and attention you and your baby will receive during the first few weeks after delivery.

After you bring your baby home, be aware of the ways you use your voice. Do you only speak to your pet with negative tones when the baby's in the room ("no," "off," "don't," "stop")? If so, your pet will certainly connect unhappy feelings with the baby's presence. While you hold your baby, smile at your pet and use his name. Give your pet a small treat when the baby is fed to distract your pet from the smell of the baby's food. Make time with the baby a pleasant time for your pet as well.

If you'll be redecorating or rearranging your home, do it long before the baby arrives. With your supervision, let your pet explore any off-limits areas, then exclude him from these areas before the baby arrives. Screen doors are excellent, inexpensive barriers for off-limits areas like the baby's room. Your pet can still see, smell and hear all the action and so can you. If an off-limits room has been a favorite area for your pet, this will be a major change for him. Move his favorite things from that room into another area, if possible in the same arrangement.

To boost your pet's confidence, establish a private, comfortable place that your pet can use as a safe retreat. Select an area you can close off, if necessary. The "safe-zone" should include a water bowl, a nest composed of a soft towel or your pet's bed and some worn, unwashed clothing with your smell on it. If your pet is a cat, you should include a litter box in this area also.

Your pet can choose to retreat here, or you can choose to confine him to this “safe zone” when things get extra hectic. Spend some positive time with your pet in this area every day, and if he must be confined for an hour or so, it mustn't seem like punishment. During the transition, respect your pet's need for rest and privacy. This will become especially important when your baby reaches the crawling stage. In addition to a "safe-zone," cats should also have access to plenty of escape routes, hiding places and perches.

Routine is important to pets because they need to know what to expect. Think ahead and gradually begin establishing new routines early on. Include in your adjusted schedule at least once a day, quality time for just you and your pet, with no competition for your attention. This “non-baby” time is very important for your pet and for you!

Some of the changes in your post-baby routine won't be permanent, like getting up at all hours of the night. Help your pet handle temporary schedule adjustments by ignoring any extra attention-getting ploys used at those times. Try to get back to your normal routines as soon as possible.

The first priority for an animal faced with a new family member is to determine who will be top dog (or cat) in the relationship. Dogs and cats live by an unwritten code of ranking in their relationships. For most dogs and cats, it isn't really important which one comes out on top, only that the rank be decided.

Whether you have one pet or several, your own position in the family's social order should be clear - you must always be the top-ranking animal in your family. This will be especially important as your baby's arrival approaches. When your position as leader of the family is secure and it's clear that the baby belongs to you, your pet should not challenge the baby's important rank in your home.

If your pet is very protective of you or your home, is a little pushy about food and toys, has been known to behave aggressively toward other animals and/or challenges your rank as leader, then you probably have a dominant pet (see our handout “Dealing with Dominance in Dogs”). In this situation, it's especially important that family rank and household rules be firmly established before your baby's arrival. You may need to seek the help of an animal behavior specialist.

Reinforce house rules and manners to remind your pet that you are the leader in your family (see our handout “Nothing in Life Is Free”). If your pet hasn't learned basic manners or obedience commands, now is the time to start. Train your dog to sit and lie down on command. This physical control will be especially important when your arms are filled with your baby and various baby paraphernalia.

Be sure that your pet understands when (if ever) jumping onto people or things is appropriate. If cats have always had access to any surface in your home (counters, tables and so forth) you need to decide which places will be off-limits after the baby's arrival. Start training your pet now to discourage him from jumping onto those places. Be considerate, though, and be sure to allow your cat access to some high-up places in your home. Dogs should only be allowed to jump when specific permission is given.

If your pet likes to spend time in your lap, teach him to ask permission before jumping up. You don't have to eliminate lap-time completely, just limit access to those times when you can give him your full attention and an entire lap. Teach your pet that your voice, your look and your presence are also positive forms of attention -- that you don't always need to touch him to show affection. You can do this simply by talking calmly and pleasantly to your pet as he lies or sits nicely at your feet. Use his name, smile and make eye contact with him.

Insist on good manners from the beginning. Don't accept any whining, growling or pushy behavior in an attempt to gain attention. Give your pet plenty of time and attention whenever you can, but not when he's demanded it!

Plan short periods of play time, treat time and snuggle time with your pet - with and without your baby in the room. Meals should be eaten in the same room and at the same time whenever possible.

Whenever anything inappropriate is in your pet's mouth, offer him a treat in trade for the object, say “drop it” and when he takes the treat praise him enthusiastically and offer him a toy that he's allowed to have. As a “rule of thumb,” if you don't want it in your pet's mouth, don't leave it on the floor.

Encourage a positive relationship between your baby and your “furry child” by involving them in activities you can all enjoy. Settle into your favorite chair by a sunny window, with your baby in your lap and your cat on a table beside you, so you can stroke them both at the same time! Walk with your baby in a stroller and your dog on leash, just like you did before the baby came, but with this nice addition. Share mealtimes, and when your baby gets a treat or a toy, be sure your pet has something nice to hold, too.

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We are able to assist pet owners with many types of animal behavior problems; however, there are some problems we can't resolve over the phone because it isn't safe or accurate to diagnose certain behavioral problems without observing the animal's postures and reactions to certain stimuli.

There are many reasons an animal may behave aggressively, including fear, dominance, food or object possessiveness, territorial behavior or protective behavior. It's necessary to obtain a complete behavioral history through detailed information gathering and direct observation of the animal in his own environment, before a diagnosis and recommendations can be made. This can't be accomplished over the phone, however, we can provide detailed handouts explaining the causes of aggression and procedures that should be avoided because they may make the problem worse. An animal that threatens another animal or human by growling, hissing, baring his teeth, snapping or biting, presents a danger to others.

The first step is to have a veterinarian examine your pet to evaluate him for possible medical reasons for the aggressive behavior. If it's not a medical problem, you should seek the services of an animal behavior specialist. If a professional animal behaviorist can't help, it may be best for all concerned to have your pet humanely euthanized. You may either have your own veterinarian euthanize your pet, or you may surrender him to an animal shelter. If you choose to surrender your pet to a shelter, please relate all the information you have about his behavior.

Some animals, usually dogs, may develop intense, irrational fears, including fear of thunderstorms, firecrackers and other loud noises. Many phobias can be successfully treated using a combination of behavior modification and short-term drug therapy prescribed by a veterinarian. This type of treatment cannot be administered over the telephone. We do have several handouts that explain these problems and the types of behavior modification procedures used to work with them. If your pet exhibits this type of behavior, you should contact your veterinarian for information about medication and for a referral to an animal behavior specialist.

Dogs and cats will sometimes lick themselves excessively until skin sores form, or will pull patches of hair from their bodies. Treatment often involves a combination of drug therapy and behavior modification that can only be obtained through your veterinarian and an animal behavior specialist.

When an individual case is too complex to analyze and resolve over the telephone, you should seek help from a veterinarian and an animal behavior specialist, however, knowing where to turn can be confusing. People who work with animal behavior problems are not regulated by any government agency and may have very different types of qualifications.

• Veterinarian: When your pet has a problem, your first call should always be to your veterinarian. Urinary tract infections, hormone imbalances, neurological conditions, genetic abnormalities, orthopedic problems and dental disease are just a few examples of medical problems that can influence your pet's behavior. Ask your veterinarian if he has received any specific training in animal behavior, and if not, ask him if he can refer you to an animal behavior specialist. •  Certified Applied Animal Behaviorist: Animal behavior is a specialized field of scientific study. In order to become a certified applied animal behaviorist, an individual must have specialized training in behavior problems in companion animals. The Animal Behavior Society (ABS) grants certification to behaviorists who are academically trained, have experience in the field and meet the ethical standards of the ABS. People who've worked with or trained animals for many years, aren't animal behaviorists unless they've received specialized academic training. •  Animal Trainer: Some animal trainers are self-taught, and some may have apprenticed under another trainer and/or attended various training seminars. Animal trainers don't usually have specialized academic training in the study of animal behavior. Good animal trainers are knowledgeable about different types of training methods that focus primarily on reinforcing good behavior and use punishment sparingly, appropriately, humanely or not at all. Innapropriate use of correction collars, including using chokers to lift dogs off the ground and "string them up," aren't appropriate or humane training methods and may cause injury to your dog.
  
  
• Dog obedience classes are an excellent way to develop a good relationship with your dog and gain more control over him by teaching him to respond reliably to specific commands. However, resolving behavior problems, such as housesoiling, barking, aggression or separation anxiety requires more than teaching your dog commands. Specific behavior modification techniques must also be used. Some animal trainers also offer behavior consulting services.
  
  
• Ask the trainer what methods they use and how they were trained. Go to a class, and if you observe techniques you're not comfortable with, find another trainer. Dog obedience instructors can be endorsed by the National Association of Dog Obedience Instructors (NADOI). Endorsement indicates that instructors have been approved by their peers and use humane methods of training. If the trainer is endorsed by another organization, ask about the criteria for endorsement.

If you're committed to working with your pet, and find qualified people to help you, the chances are good that you'll successfully resolve your pet's problem behaviors.

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